Do Words Have the Power To Kill?

I am among the few from the film industry that continues to question why Sushant Singh Rajput was bullied in the period leading to his death. Some of my friends have come to the conclusion that Sushant was depressed, couldn’t handle the stress that came with the movie industry, and therefore took his own life.

Firstly, I don’t know how they have diagnosed Sushant’s condition whilst sitting on twitter. How do we know what kind of depression Sushant suffered from? We have no records of his mental health history. What we do have are about 30 blind pieces in the public domain, all that carried some appalling, destructive ideas about him. Why are we so afraid to allow a discussion on this?

Simran

In 2017, I had a very public fallout with director Hansal Mehta on Simran a movie I had written and was editing. Unbeknownst to me, the films lead actress, Kangana Ranaut, was promised to be credited as the films co-writer, but I was only informed of this after I had cut the film. Needless to say I felt betrayed. I fought a long & tiring battle to ensure that I was not discredited. And though the title finally did appear correctly, the experience exhausted me. I was heartbroken that a lot of my industry folk chose to remain silent.

I had fought the system, not just to ensure that I didn’t get bullied, but also to set a precedent for writers to stand up for their rights. I was naive to think that truth simply sets you free. It does eventually, but you have to go through so much muck, slander and opposition, and IF you survive it, then maybe it can set you free.

All sorts of nonsense was written about me. One piece claimed that I didn’t edit Satya, my first film that I also won a major editing award for. Another claimed that I didn’t co write Shahid, a film I jointly won a screenwriting award for. My name as co-writer was suddenly dropped from Shahid’s IMDB page (its still remains taken off). One portal, Spot Boye! tried to claim that even Aligarh, my most personal work, was stolen from another writer. This journalist called my writing collaborator, Ishani Banerji, and tried to get her to talk against me. When she refused, they carried a headline that seemed like she had implied that I shortchanged her. I was really upset. 

I used to stay awake all night, putting together proof to dispel their lies. I was fighting a lone battle against journalists from leading tabloids, who wrote all kinds of unsubstantiated shit about me. I started to become depressed.

Fortunately, some producers did reach out to me and offered me work. One of them was Zoya Akhtar, who breathed hope into me by giving me Made In Heaven to edit. Also, Manoj Bajpayee, the lead actor of both Satya and Aligarh, stood by me. He publicly endorsed my work on both those seminal films when it mattered the most. 

Yet the stress was too much, and I woke up one morning to realise that half my face was paralysed. I couldn’t shut one eye, my speech was impaired and I looked like a freak. I learned that I had a nervous condition called Bells Palsy and it came with severe vertigo and vomiting. I was too sick to edit the climax episodes of MIH, and someone replaced me to finish the series. It was a very painful period. I cried myself to sleep on most nights and stopped getting out of the house. I felt humiliated, let down by my ilk, and was absolutely shattered.

If Manoj Bajpayee hadn’t stood by me, and If I didn’t have the kind of familial support around me, I might have given up the fight and opted to take my own life. I was lucky. Not all are.

Broken Wings

My fight for Sushant is not born out of vendetta for anyone. I am speaking up because I identify with him. I understand what he may have gone through when a campaign was run to destroy his career and his credibility. I see him as a non-conformist, like me. Maybe he too, couldn’t stand the parties, the fake hugs and the air kisses. Maybe he too couldn’t stand bowing down to some overrated filmmakers and actors who treat people like commodities.

I didn’t know Sushant personally, but I know this of so many young actors who come to Bombay with dreams in their eyes; From simple, middle class families, with quintessential Indian values, they enter this dazzling, cut-glass, Gucci clad world of A listers. Their rights of passage almost always involve having to sleep with men in positions of power. Read model and actor Himanshu Malik’s brilliant and brave account of the industry through the eyes of an outsider. (https://www.knocksense.com/mumbai/inside-bollywoods-outsider-insiders-account-of-life-in-hindi-film-industry).

In my 20’s (I had cut Satya before I turned 19), directors called me to hotels for narrations. Once, as I waited in the lobby for a director, I got a message that the meeting has moved to his room. There the director was alone, in his bath gown, displaying an unsavoury view of his privates. I ran. Then once, I got invited to a journalist's birthday party, only to discover that besides his boyfriend, I was the only guest invited. Like vultures they circled me, till I beat a hasty retreat. Once, I was befriended by a journalist, and we grew to become friends. But when he started landing up at home with baked dishes and flowers, I began to suspect that I was the object of his affection. I told him honestly that I was in love with someone else. That was it. He cut off from me, ignored me if we met, and never, I repeat never, mentioned me in his reviews—even if the film and my work was highly acclaimed. And then there was that magazine editor...anyway you get the point.

It is a pretty tricky situation. You need to be nice to them, make sure you don’t offend them, and they interpret it as you being easy. There really is no winning this one. 

Yellow Journalism 

Then the articles began. Some claimed that I was an untalented, one-hit wonder. Some pieces claimed that I had left the country to live with my lover. Of course none of them carried a byline, and many described me in detail, without taking my name, so there was no one I could confront. I found that when they wrote pieces or made TV specials to remember an anniversary of one of my films (for which I had won a Filmfare award), they would forget to interview or even mention me. This treatment went on for years, and I couldn’t say anything about it, because how do you ‘out’ yourself, ‘out’ the predators and prove that this is what really happened? 

In the #MeToo movement there is a very powerful slogan that says ‘believe the woman’. Try saying ‘believe the man’, and people will laugh. And if this happens to an editor and a writer, what must handsome male actors go through on an everyday basis? 

Sushant had a series of cowardly blind items written about him that could have broken even the toughest of spirits. He was called a skirt chaser, unprofessional, some claimed that his films were duds, one even named him in a #metoo accusation and called him a rapist. Sushant had to post screenshots of his chat with the alleged victim to prove that he was innocent. Can you imagine what he must have gone through in the nights and days leading to this death? This middle class boy from Patna, a few years in maximum city, working hard to realise his dreams; but he had to expend all that energy, relentlessly fighting this dirty, unfounded slander.

Success Denied

Also remember, here, if you don’t pander to the whims of the powerful, you are a trouble maker. If you speak up against unfair practices, you are a trouble maker. Watch Sushant in so many of those film promotion videos, he is pretty much ignored by the fraternity. I wish he had spoken up. But he may have taken the advice of ‘well wishers’ who easily dispense advice like, ‘don’t talk, let your success do the talking’. 

So the boy marched on. Inspite of not having the support of his peers, he gave his all to a film called Chichore. The film was made by the director of the successful Dangal and the expectations were high. But surprisingly, it opened to average reviews, and the general buzz on the film was poor. It was only after Sushant’s death, that I learned that the film had been a hit, and had grossed over 200 crores!

Now when an ‘A list’ actor’s film just about breaks even, the occasion is celebrated by splashing the actor all over the press. New associations spring up. Big films are signed. Other stars photograph with you. I saw hardly any of this in Sushant’s case. And this begged the question; Was he denied his hard earned success by his peers? Was the stupendous performance of his film underplayed? Could this disappointment, that nothing he did would ever make it right, be the final straw for him?

Who Do We Blame?

I tweeted to name the people/publications behind the sustained blind items against Sushant. I also named popular journalist Rajeev Masand in my tweets, because most of the blind items about Sushant doing the rounds, some of them incredibly mean, were written by him in his Open Magazine column. But by no means do I intend for him, or any portal to be singled out. There is a bigger system at play, with so many different kinds of characters functioning oppressively since time immemorial. How then, can one person be held responsible for Sushant’s death? But to accept this system as the norm, and to shut people up from calling out the wrong doers, that is unacceptable too. 

I am not surprised to see that I am being ostracised by many of my industry peers for taking on this fight and naming names. Besides Manoj Bajpayee (thank god for him!), not one industry person has reached out (so far), even privately, to say that they are with me. Soon, someone will try to discredit me with some slander on a portal or a tabloid. But that doesn't scare me, I've seen these games played before. 

Was Sushant An Unstable Person?

Right now, the few that are responding to my tweets are chiding me for having an hidden agenda. Some are saying that I am derailing the conversation on Sushant's mental health. 

It shocks me, that people who didn't really know Sushant, didn't know his mental health status, want to close this conversation by labelling him as an unstable person. An actress I kind of respect, said to me on Twitter that she was sure it was depression that killed Sushant. She added that depression is something you are born with and it cannot be caused by external situations. I told her that this is absolutely UNTRUE! 

While there are clinical and hereditary factors that could cause certain types of mental illnesses, ANYONE can become depressed without pre existing conditions. It is also a fact that environmental factors can play an important part in the onset of depression. Here is an excerpt from a reliable source, with the link.

Are people born with a mental illness?

No. A vulnerability to some mental illnesses, such as bipolar mood disorder,can run in families. But other people develop mental illness with no family history.

Many factors contribute to the onset of a mental illness. These include stress, bereavement, relationship breakdown, physical and sexual abuse, unemployment, social isolation, and major physical illness or disability. Our understanding of the causes of mental illness is growing.

https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/publications/publishing.nsf/Content/mental-pubs-w-whatmen-toc~mental-pubs-w-whatmen-myth

Depression can be triggered by bullying too. A large number of LGBTQI people suffer from depression because they have been bullied or abused. I can tell you for a fact that I have no family history of depression, but I still underwent 6 months of severe depression after the Simran episode. It is very likely, looking at the blind items, at at the lack of camaraderie with Sushant at film events, at the jokes on talk shows made at his expense, that he felt bullied. Why is there such reluctance to even have this conversation??

Going Forward

I contacted a few publications to carry this article, but either they didn't respond, or they seemed in no hurry to take this forward. This is one of the reasons I decided to resurrect my blog after seven long years. I feel determined to continue this fight, because I can sense that the public isn't giving this one up. Sushant was one of us. His death has affected people in the depth of their hearts. This isn't like some trending hashtag that will disappear on a twitter timeline. It is an important fight, not only for justice for Sushant, but to ensure that no innocent talent gets snuffed out by an abusive and unfeeling system again. 

Going forward, I'm not one to ask for heads to roll. That won't solve the problem or bring back the departed. I just hope that some of my journalist friends will examine how they write about a celebrity or a film in the future. I know of several film scribes who take pride in proper research, in getting their facts right, and in writing with responsibility and balance. I hope it is them, and not the blind item experts, that will be emulated in the future. 

I also want to request the authors of blind items to write with caution. A mere story on your page is actually a real, beating heart, living a real life somewhere. Please remember that just like you are sensitive about what is said about you, so is the object of your piece. In fact they maybe far more vulnerable, because they are actually putting themselves out there. 

Maybe your words don’t have the power to kill somebody, but they certainly have the power to chip away at a spirit that is trying hard to stay alive.

                                                                                                                     ----Apurva Asrani

The 'Am I a Bollywood Star' Quiz

Level 1: Are you 'star material' or are you just 'starry'?

Q1. Have you ever slapped a press reporter? If yes, how many times (and did you do it on camera)?

Q2. Were you invited to at least two or more parties at Shahrukh Khan's house?

Q3. Were you invited to at least two or more holi bashes at the Bachchan house?

Q4. Are you in 'Abhi-Ash's' wedding photographs?

Q5. Did you present an award at IIFA?
Q5a. Were you even invited to IIFA? (If not, you don't qualify to take this quiz.)

Q6. Does the press endearingly address you with nicknames like Bebo, Bunty, Chichi or Choo Choo?

If you answered yes to one or more of the above, proceed. If not, leave before we blacklist you!

Level 2: Do you know your Bolly-Hood?

Q7. Write an essay on why you deserve more than your usual star fees (80% of the films budget) & why writers, editors, cameramen (who altogether constitute 10% of the budget) are a waste of money and should be done away with completely?

Q8. Complete the sentence. The only superstars of India are: Raj Kapoor, Dilip Kumar, Amitabh Bachchan and ______?______. (Hint. The Last name sounds like 'aan' and the first name sounds like Farukh)

Q9. Explain the following abbreviations:

a)DDLJ
b)HAHK
c)K3G
d)KHNHOHOHO (Hint: This stars all of Shahrukh Khan's gang.)
e)BBFQZCE!!( Hint: This stars all the Bachchan friends.)

Q10. From this list choose five of the greatest Indian films of all time:
Angoor, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Kagaz Ke Phool,
Dhoom2, Anand, Om Shanti Om, Pyaasa, Bunty Aur Babli,
Sholay, Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayene.

(Hint: Our judges are only familiar with films made after 1995.)

Note: If you answered the low budget Angoor and depressing films like Pyasa and Anand, then you are disqualified for not being Bollywood material. The rest may proceed to multiple choice.

Level 3: Multiple Choice: Can be done while on the toilet, while doing make-up & while acting.
Q11.What are the prerequisite's to be a good actor?

a) I work out at a gym for 2 hours everyday.
b) I work out at a gym for 4 hours everyday.
c) I Work out at Gold's gym near Hrithik Roshan.
d) I work out with Salman Khan and/or Sanjay Dutt's personal trainer.

Q12. If a reporter asks if you are Gay, you do one of the following:

a) Beat him up and break his camera.
b) Beat up your girlfriend to prove that you're a mean fully-functional hetero-sexual.
c) Beat up the nearest gay man (your make-up man will do).
d) Get married immediately to end the rumor.

Q13. Method acting is about getting into the character with the help of:

a) Cocaine
b) Ecstasy
c) Tequila shots
d) All of the above.

(If you answered (d) you are an accomplished star and don't need to do the rest of the quiz. Move right down to Q.20)

Q14. Have you attended one or more of the following acting training:

a) Kishore Namit Kapoor (Acting school).
b) Anupam kher (Acting school).
d) Dilip Kumar (Correspondence through VCD's)
d) Shahrukh Khan (Correspondence through DVD's)

Q15. What does an 'outdoor' shoot mean?

a) A free holiday for my family & friends.
b) Where I go abroad to shop
c) A foreign trip to club & party, with lots of alcohol & drugs.
d) A place where the movie songs are shot.

Q16. You have a shoot today, but you are wasted from a hard night of partying. You have bags under your eyes & you look like you aged 15 years in one night. You would:

a) Cancel the shoot and get a botox appointment. (You must look your best on screen.)
b) Reach the set after a nap after keeping them waiting for 6 hours, (What is the film without you anyway?.)
c) Reach on time (i.e.2 hours late) and put on cakes of make-up and a nice wig. (People don't care as long as they can recognize you.)
d) Take the next plane out to London for another night of party (Citing 'hair of the dog'.)

Q17. What is a script?

a) Something that some producers use for funding.
b) It helps me ascertain whether I have more scenes in the film than any other actor.
c) The stuff they write for smaller actors who cant make up lines like I do.
d) The story of the film for those that cant hear or lip-read.

If you answered mostly (d) in the Multiple Choice then you are already in starry Bollywood company. Only one question remains to determine your superstar potential.

Level 4: The 'X' factor: Because you could have got all of the above right and yet have got it so wrong.

Q18. What is your last name?
a) Khan
b) Kumar
c) Kapoor
d) If none of the above, then list a Bollywood celebrity that you are related to.
(Remember even a distant uncle will qualify, as long as it is a big name and you have atleast one colour photo together.)

Congratulations!

You answered correctly , you are a Bollywood star! You are entitled to a celebrity sticker which you will receive in the post in seven days.
You will receive 'A-list' VIP access to bars & clubs.
Scores of news reporters will camp 24/7 outside your garbage bins.
Stick it on your windscreen to drive through traffic lights and you can even drive on the footpath if you please.
Stick it on your posterior so people will know where to kiss

'Cine-Maa Da Laadla Bigad Gaya' - Bollywood in the Closet

The Delhi High Court’s amendment to section 377 was both historical and surprising. Even as it is the state's acknowledgment that India has a sizable and growing gay population, 'popular culture' has seldom seen gay characters in its stories. And when a gay character is included, he is often  portrayed as the 'over the top' drag queen or the lustful buffoon who hits, unsuccessfully, on the hero. Added for comic relief, gay characters are often used to reinforce the masculinity of the leading man, without much dignity.

Dostana (2008), Karan Johar's offering, was labelled India's first popular 'gay' film and has found support in a large section of the gay janta. The film features John Abraham's near strip tease, showing off a well rounded bubble butt, and presents an unabashed objectification of the male body. The song Maa da ladla Bigad gaya is a rage in gay parties. The song -- loosely translated -- means 'Mother's favorite son has been spoiled'. The boys going home from that party know that they are actually going home to that reinforced stereotype.

The irony, it seems to me, is that Dostana is Karan Johar’s least gay film. Kal Ho Na Ho's (2003) gay jokes where its attractive leading boys were found by Kantaben in a compromising position, paved the way for the non-stereotyped gay in contemporary Hindi cinema. Yet, very few films were willing to blur the line between heterosexual and homosexual and exact even one tender moment between its boys. This was the case even in Dostana, where in the climax of the film, the two macho men are drawn into lip-lock. Sadly, their faces are wrought with disgust, reinforcing public opinion that homosexuality is a disorder. No heart. No dignity.

Pakeezah (1972), Kamal Amrohi's tribute to his lady-love Meena Kumari, did much more for generations of closet gays who were desperately seeking role models. For years, frustrated gay men in an orthodox society connected with the tragic story of the sacrificing courtesan and her unrequited love. This often mirrored their own lonely lives where they spent nights with men that would never acknowledge them in daylight. In the 1980s, Rekha took over the mantle of India's gay icon from Meena Kumari with her immortal portrayal of Umrao Jaan (1981) , a story of the abandoned tawaif. The act was a repeat of the popular Muqaddar Ka Sikander (1978), also starring Rekha, where the lovelorn and heartbroken courtesan swallowed diamonds from her ring to take her own life. Once again the anguish and loneliness of the courtesan resonated within the gay community, and songs from Umrao Jaan, Pakeezah and Muqaddar Ka Sikander were sung and danced to at private gay parties. Pretty boys and aging queens alike, took center-stage, and passionately performed with quivering bee-stung lips and a longing in their eyes.

Interestingly, in the early 80s, around the time of Rekha's courtesan craze, a popular film magazine published pictures of the screen diva with her butch secretary Farzana, suggesting that the two were having a lesbian relationship. The 80's came to a close with Maine Pyar Kiya (1989) and the rise of Salman Khan. Salman's chocolate boy face and chiseled bare chest instantly found affection with the homosexual audience. The hot-bodied hunk faced very little competition in the gay space till the release of Main Khiladi Tu Anari (1994). In the film, the camaraderie between Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan  titillated gay audiences, who saw more chemistry between the two heroes, than they had with the heroines of the film.

Gay activist Ashok Row Kavi wrote in Bombay Dost's review that 'the film was highly homoerotic' and suggested that Saif came across as Akshay’s gay lover in the film. This review outraged the young and 'yet to make his mark' Saif who was accused of busting Kavi's home, and in his absence assaulting the activists mother. History has underlined that Saif's angry reaction to the gay writer’s homoerotic suggestion brought more attention to the social outcasting of gay men, than years of effort by Kavi. A few years earlier, a film reporter claimed in a popular magazine that Shah Rukh Khan was gay. A livid Shah Rukh, like his Khan counterpart, accosted the reporter at a hotel and slapped him. Models turned actors Milind Soman and Arjun Rampal, in the mid 90's, were quite straightforward about their sexuality. Readers recall the actors openly admitting to magazines that they were bisexual and had experiences with other men.

The 90s also saw the phenomenon that was Madhuri Dixit, the last of the screen divas who made way into the popular gay-stream with her passionate gyrating number Choli ke peeche. Established South-Asian gay club, Kali in London often hosted dance nights with Madhuri-Queen of India, a popular drag queen who, for cheering gay men. dressed and danced like the actress  But since then, gay divas have been bullied out of Bollywood by bratty bad boys, who gladly donned female attire for the tried and tested slapstick cross-dressing act.

Naseeruddin Shah, Chunky Pandey and Aditya Panscholi scored big laughs in Tehelka (1992) by prancing around in long wigs and skimpy bathing suits. Aamir Khan also joined the cross-dressing club as Julie Breganza in Ashutosh Gowarikar’s Baazi (1995). The cross-dressing act has, over the years, found patronage in actors like Amitabh Bachchan (Laawaris, 1981), Rishi Kapoor (Rafoo Chakkar, 1975), Govinda (Aunty No.1, 1998) Akshay Kumar and Deepak Tijori (Khiladi, 1992). Riteish Deshmukh donned a female avataar in Apna Sapna Money Money (2006). Bitchy gay boys snickered in cinema halls commenting that Riteish looked more like a woman than his larded in make-up co-star Koena Mitra. Cheering galleries seemed to say to Riteish's character that 'as long as you play gay by playing a woman, we don’t mind.'

Surprisingly, it is Amitabh Bachchan, the lanky superstar, who is touted as India's most understated gay icon. Bachchan celebrated the male jodi in many of his early films, often sidelining the heroine. In fact Hrishikesh Mukherji's Anand (1971) had no heroine. It told the story of the love between a dying man, Rajesh Khanna, and his emotional doctor, Amitabh Bachchan. Bachchan's jodi with Shashi Kapoor however took the biggest leap in gay Bollywood yet. Silsila (1981) has a scene where Bachchan and Kapoor are showering together, completely naked. At some point the soap they are sharing slips to the ground and when each anticipates the other bending down, they both start laughing. Kapoor says. ‘I'm not going to bend down. I know what happened last time'. What happened last time? One wonders. Ma da laadla bigad gaya?

Bachchan was unstoppable. His super-hit male bonding spree continued with Sholay (1975) where he and the classically good looking Dharmendra sing Yeh dosti- a male duet which has become a sort of gay anthem for the closeted. Interestingly, Bachchan dies in a sobbing Dharmendra's arms and not in unrequited love interest, Jaya Bhaduri's.

It goes without saying that the gay construct is firmly entrenched in Indian society. And it is obvious that the portrayals seem to have degenerated over the years. Films like Page 3 (2005) and Life In A Metro (2007) feature shallow and manipulative gay men who live deceitful lives. Besides a few isolated cases like Excel Entertainments Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd (2007) which addresses the common phenomenon of a gay man marrying a woman and Onirban's My Brother Nikhil (2005), no other popular Indian film comes to mind where the gay character is humanized and has a story to tell. Even though My Brother Nikhil reinforces the exaggerated gay-AIDS nexus, Sanjay Suri and Purab Kohli's relationship is treated in a sensitive manner and with some dignity -- even if in death.

It wouldn't be presumptuous to say that most gay portrayals come with a Bollywood rule book with the following commandments:

Thou shall play gay if it is for comic relief (preferably in drag)
Thou can also play gay for villainous and frightful purposes
Or
Thou can play a character dying of AIDS.
But...
Thou MUST have a limp wrist and wear loud, feminine clothing
And...
Thou MUST hit on every other man just because Thou art gay.

Until the rules change in good old Bollywood, the good old gays might be searching in the dark for role models in popular culture. Till then, mothers of gay men will have to understand homosexuality with the help of these popular lyrics:

Chad ki saariyan, aie kawariyaan (Leaving all the unmarried girls)
Dil nu laiyaan ki bemariyan (Don’t know what kind of sickness he has taken to his heart)
Khwaab de maa ka ujad gaya. (Mothers dreams have been shattered)
Maa da laadla bigad gaya, (Mother's favorite child has been spoiled)
Maa da laadla bigad gaya. (Mothers favorite child has been spoiled).

                                                                                      
                                                                                      --by Apurva Asrani (twitter @apurvasrani)

The Big Naked Elephant In The Room

My yoga teacher squirms on his orange mat. A girlfriend of mine tiptoes around the living room looking for a pack of cigarettes while I sit in meditation. I don’t think the cigarettes offend Guruji as much as her short skirt and bikini top do. I hear him chant the Gayatri mantra more forcefully and he shuts his eyes tight. His otherwise bright aura recedes to a minuscule glow as she scampers off with the pack. I sadistically enjoy his discomfort and decide to broach my favorite subject.

‘Guruji, is she disturbing you?’

He clears his throat. ‘Never mind, lets do pranayam’. He blows out of his left nostril.

‘No. No. Please continue.’ I beg him.

‘Is it not cold this morning? His normally confident voice is somewhat shaken-up. 'I wonder why girls must wear such little clothes and roam around?’

‘But how does that trouble anybody?’ I pretend to not understand.

‘It causes trouble; for her and for the innocent man that she will tempt. Why must we ape western culture?’
Guruji’s aura begins to grow again. He has unknowingly reiterated what generations have believed. ‘Sex is a western concept’.

It is ironic that in the land that created the Kamasutra, the world’s oldest and most comprehensive guide to human sexual behavior, that non-reproductive sex is considered western and blasphemous. Mythology has it that the divine bull Nandi, Shiva’s trusted doorkeeper, overwhelmed after overhearing the erotic lovemaking of Lord Shiva & his consort Parvati, narrated the Kamasutra word for word, to sage Vatsyana, who in turn, penned the Kamasutra for the benefit of mankind.

Therefore it is baffling to understand why the India of today is a land where pundits get their dhoti's in a twist when the word sex is mentioned; Many religious centers separate the men from the women in the presence of the idols, hoping to keep their minds uncorrupted; Parents strictly discourage children from interacting with the opposite sex, afraid that this might attract the wrath of the gods. Sadly, sex education in Indian schools is also largely opposed to and the self appointed moral doorkeepers of India often confront sexual expression with intolerant and violent behavior. Ironically, the central idea of the Kamasutra says that the art of sex civilizes the violent impulses in man.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, believed that sexual repression to fit into social standards either led the subject to perversion or towards neurosis. He said 'All who wish to be more noble-minded than their constitution allows, fall victims to neuroses; they would have been more healthy if it were possible for them to be less good...It is one of the obvious social injustices that the standard civilization should demand from everyone the same conduct of sexual life.'

Some time ago, a granthi from a Ludhiana Gurudwara fled for his life after he was caught watching a pornographic video on his mobile phone. The granthi is the custodian of the Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh's holy book. He ceremonially opens the book in the morning and leads the ardas (prayers). Jasbir Singh Gill, who was praying at the Gurudwara gallantly 'caught' granthi Gurpreet Singh in the act. He says ‘‘He wasn’t concentrating in the prayers and was rather distracted by something else underneath the table on which the scriptures were placed’’. Upon investigating, Jasbir discovered the cleverly hidden porn-playing phone. The peaceful devotees then turned into an angry mob and chased the Granthi out of the gurudwara.

Osho Rajneesh, who enjoyed the unsavory reputation for allegedly heading a sex cult, once said 'It is because of a long, long repressive society that the dirty old man exists. It is because of your saints, your priests, and your puritans that the old dirty man exists.If people are allowed to live their sexual life joyously, by the time they are nearing forty-two, sex will start losing its grip on them. Just as sex arises and becomes very powerful by the time one is fourteen, in exactly the same way by the time one is forty-two it starts disappearing.’

One wonders how Osho arrived at the precise age of forty-two for sexual desires to ‘disappear’, but it is well known that a boy round-about the age of fourteen is either beaten or berated for exploring his thriving sexuality. He is conditioned from an early age to suppress his sexual desires, as he is terrified of the moral custodians who, through his elders, enforce these rules.

Unfortunately, the young boy is unaware that this enforced sexual repression is not a thread from India's true moral fabric, as is claimed by the religious extremists. It is in fact a dusty old tenet of the conservative Victorian church, imposed during colonized India. So move over the Vedas and the Upanishads, considered by many to be India's true wealth, our lessons are still coming from an outdated version of the Bible. The irony is that our notorious religious fundamentalists, who shout themselves hoarse against western culture, actually seem to be ‘Bible pushers’ in a clever disguise.

One of India's well-known, anti-western, voices is Baba Ramdev of 'Patanjali Yogpeeth'. He is the latest propagator of the 'sex is evil' hypothesis, announcing passionately that sex was 'to be used' for procreation only.

As the saffron clad baba sat in padmasan before a pretty young interviewer (known for being comfortable with her sexuality) he declared his staunch opposition towards those who had sex before marriage, The generation-next interviewer seemed appalled by his intolerance, yet failed to make mention of Shiva/Parvati's 'sex for pleasure'. The lazy-eyed Ramdev, who seemed to blush before the attractive girl, stood his ground.

Interestingly, neither of Shiva & Parvati’s children, Karthikeya and Ganesha, were born out of sexual intercourse. They were both divine & creative conceptions. Therefore, it would be safe to say that all sex between the god couple, popularly worshipped in the phallus-vagina form, was for non-procreative pleasure.

Interestingly, Ramdev, who believes that homosexuality is a mental illness, has challenged the High court verdict to amend section 377 (decriminalizing homosexuality).

Once again, someone needs to refer him to the very mythology he often quotes. Lord Ayyappa, the child god who is fabled to have slain the eternal demon goddess Mahishi and is worshipped extensively across the south of India, was born out of lovemaking between Lord Shiva & Lord Vishnu (who took the form of a female consort-Mohini, with Shiva’s consent). But even in Ayyappa's various shrines in Kerela and Tamil Nadu, one will hardly talk about this unusual sexual union.

Tourist destinations like Manali & Goa, frequented by white skinned holidaymakers are rife with groups of Indian boys bursting with testosterone. These destinations are seen as hunting grounds where they hope to find a 'gori' for sex. In aggressive packs they frequent bars, shacks and parties where they stare with dropped jaws at foreign girls in skirts and bathing suits; many even take pictures. Some, aided with alcoholic courage, circle single girls and harass them by forcibly dancing with them or by touching them inappropriately.

Most of these boys, brought up in an environment where sex is only permissible after marriage, have failed at attempts to seduce morally upright local girls. Thinking that white girls are 'easy' and not knowing how to win over the opposite sex, the boys' carnal approach is lascivious, vulgar and sometimes dangerous.

It seems like we are fast cementing the reputation of being a hypocritical nation, staunchly defending morals on the outside but filled with suppressed 'starers' and dirty old men on the inside. It seems like it is high time that India talks openly about its thriving sexual history.

Here I am, lying with eyes shut, in sarvangasan on the floor. My Yoga Teacher, who is back to his old composed self, is calmly instructing me to direct my breath to each part of my body. Just then, the girlfriend of mine tiptoes back into the living room, I can hear the breathing of my teacher getting heavier and warmer. As she rummages through the drawers, looking for matches, Guruji’s instructions get more garbled. I keep silent and in my full awareness I hear his body weight shift uncomfortably on his mat.

Suddenly Guruji announces "Class over. We will continue tomorrow”. Before I can open my eyes, my teacher has hurried out of the front door, slamming it hard in protest. Once again, the big naked elephant in the room is left ignored and un-addressed.

                                                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                                  --Apurva Asrani

Originally appeared as 'The Big, Naked Elephant In The Room', published in 'Man's World'

Satya: Whose truth is it anyway?

--> Disclaimer: There is a term called 'The Rashomon Effect'; in which observers of an event produce substantially different but equally plausible accounts of 'the truth'. 

So it is possible, that my truth, may differ from yours...

1997. 

Sequences from Satya were getting a fabulous response from those that previewed it. We were editing alongside the filming. Ramu was a very instinctive director and was confident enough to alter characters & screenplay as he went along. His vision was broadening before our eyes. Saurabh Shukla was on set playing Kallu Mama as well as collaborating as a writer. Anurag Kashyap too was writing on location, other times he wrote in the evenings at Ramu’s large but modest Four Bungalows apartment.

It was a vodka/whisky darbar and young non-drinkers (or beer-drinkers like me) spent evenings like this without a glass. I can be corny and say that we were intoxicated in the air of a brilliant collaboration! The fit and pretty Urmila Matondkar hung out with us too, she was warm and charming, a complete departure from her cold & reserved self on set.

Along with the other assistants like Barnali Ray (now Shukla), Pradnya Lokhande (now Sharma), Feroze and Dev, I too pondered about the plausibility of the Ramu-Urmila affair as was reported. We looked for clues in those casual evenings, and convened later on to exchange notes. My close friends would often ask for gossip and I would try to look for evidence. If you’re eager to know, I never did find it; nothing conclusive at least.

First day of shooting. 12^th of August 1997.

The location was a stinky stable in the suburb of Jogeshwari where Manoj Pahwa’s character introduces Satya to his new home. I wasn’t sure about Chakri’s dialogue delivery, but there was comfort in the talk that it might be dubbed later. A few hours into the shoot Ramu received a phone-call. I saw before my eyes the blood drain from his face. His friend, media baron Gulshan Kumar had been murdered, riddled indiscriminately with bullets.

Ramu became very disturbed. We stopped work and followed him around for more news, he was among the few with a mobile-phone.  It dawned upon me for the first time, how close to the truth our film was. Ramu was taking a great risk by making a film on the extortion enterprise while gangsters still ruled Bombay. I didn’t know then, that much of the film’s story-flow would be altered post this incident.

'Chakri & Manjo'

I liked Chakri (Chakravarti). He came from an acting background that I was familiar with. My mother is a Telugu girl and I had seen many Telugu film’s while growing up. I empathized with Chakri’s discomfort with Hindi and we spent a lot of time together, discussing his plans for the character. I was also privy to Chakri’s soft-spot for another crewmember and I often dispensed to him the wisdom of a 19 yr old.

Manoj Bajpai also became a close friend. I called him ‘Manjo’. Manoj often hitched a ride with me on my rickety-old Kinetic Honda, came out clubbing with me and my friends, and even had a few drinks with my father. Manoj had the utmost awe for the work I was doing, and encouraged me to follow my style. One day Manoj signed an agreement with me stating that he would act in my 1^st film for 2 rupees. Even though it was written on a paper napkin, I was sure that it would stand the test of time. Manoj was a talent like we had never seen before, and I remember feeling like I had hit the jackpot. 

I learned much later that ‘editors are an actors best friend’. So when I bonded recently with the talented Rajkumar Yadav during the making of Shahid, we added a line to this pearl of wisdom…‘till the film is complete.’ ;)

Chakri and Manoj were another ‘hit-duo’ from Satya, who’s celluloid chemistry didn’t exactly come from admiration for the other. Their rivalry was less subdued than the other’s, and it worked wonders for the film. It was the battle of the North Indian vs the South Indian, of the NSD actor vs the commercial actor. I thought that both vied to be Ramu’s pet actor. But then everyone was in awe of Mr Varma, he commanded it effortlessly.

I had mentioned in my previous blog, the tension between Anurag & Saurabh, and I think from Anurag’s reactions to my blog, that he took my claim very seriously. I didn’t mean to say that their friction over credit on the promo caused any bad blood. It seemed quite innocent, and was obviously channeled correctly, which is why they wrote a cracker of a film. Besides the ones mentioned above, there were a couple of other ‘teams’ that struggled for their individual place in the sun.

Two's company

Let me pose a few questions, and see if there is a one-word/one name answer that comes to mind.

‘To whom would you attribute the cinematography of Satya?’ Would you say it was the American veteran DP Gerhard Hooper or the realistic documentary cameraman, Mazhar Kamran? Both were eventually credited.

‘Whose words were Satya really based on?’ Were they Saurabh Shukla’s--who was basking from his association with the semantic Bandit Queen & Is Raat Ki Subah Nahi or were they Anurag Kashyap’s--who was this wonder-kid that everyone was talking about and had just written Jayate (Hansal Mehta’s first tryst with the courtroom). Both were credited.

'Who’s music will Satya be remembered for?' Vishal Bharadwaj's?--The man who infused emotion into the film with songs like the dreamy Badalon se kaat kaat ke or Sandeep Chowta--who’s stark and intense themes reverberated in a shattering new system called DTS. Both were credited.

'Who actually edited Satya?' Apurva Asrani, the urban kid who had made promos for Sanjay Bhansali’s Khamoshi and Ramu’s Daud or was it Bhanodaya-the Telugu editor who had earlier edited Ramu’s Ana Ganaga Oku Roju & Daud? Both were credited.

While Manoj-Chakri, Saurabh-Anurag, Gerry-Mazhar, Vishal-Sandeep will be best suited to answer how they felt about sharing credit at the time, they will also be able to tell you why why none of them ever teamed up again. I can only tell you how I felt. I got asked for years, 'who edited Satya?' and that question used to make me angry. I guess, the simplest thing for me would have been to say 'we both did'. But to me, that would have been a diplomatic answer, not neccesarily an honest one. 

Jump Cut to: Bhanodaya

If I remember right, Satya was the first Hindi film to be cut on avid. We were choosing a work-flow that required us to make a print from the negative, transfer the print to tape, digitize the tapes onto the hard disk and then start editing. The process was fascinating and I think we used Avid to its fullest potential to maintain a fresh & compelling rhythm, now synonymous with the film. But it is when the film was edited, and the technical process had to be reversed, that Ramu began to get angsty. He was nervous about matching the negative to an Avid produced cut-list. He was worried that something may go wrong with the negative. He began to feel that his judgment would work best if he saw a print before locking the film. So Ramu brought in his Daud editor Bhanodaya, specifically to match the print to the list.

What I didn’t see coming, was that I would have to share credit with Bhanodaya. This came as a bolt from the blue. I first heard about it from Ramu’s cousin, Satya's Executive Producer, Som Shekhar. I felt somewhat cheated by Ramu and began to find it impossible make-up lies about how Bhanodaya had co-edited the film. Jitesh Pillai, then the bright kid at Filmfare had interviewed me for his magazine, and had asked me about Bhano. I remember saying, ‘I don’t know Bhano, I never met him during the editing of the film’. It was the truth, but my lack of diplomacy and patience brought out the arrogance in me.

What made things worse were the rumors going around. I would hear that Ramu had gone about telling people that I had only cut the promos of the film, and that Bhano was the editor. Now whether the rumors were true or whether people were fanning my anger, I was too naïve to know. 

Filmfare Awards, February 1998

I remember the night of the Filmfare awards when the award for 'Best Editing' was announced. I was sitting among my loved ones who became very emotional and pushed me towards the stage to collect the award. As I walked, from the corner of my eye, I looked at a familiar man, wearing a black shirt, who also began walking towards the podium. I remember thinking ‘I hardly know that man, have not had a single creative exchange with him, but he is sharing my award.' Bhanodaya was being celebrated for my work, and it just didnt make sense.

There was only one award statuette. So I buckled my speed. Bhanodaya also walked faster. He had had the advantage of being two rows ahead--with Ramu. I was like an energizer bunny, high from the industry's acknowledgment of my skills, but somewhat wounded by the sudden U-turn of my mentor. I somehow got to Jeetendra and Poonam Dhillon first, and they handed me the statuette. Bhanodaya followed behind me and shook hands with them after I did. As I held up the coveted statuette in the air, a much shorter Bhanoday reached for it, touched it, and smiled.

If only I had known then, that I would get opportunities to prove myself again; to be part of some meaningful cinematic attempts. If I had know then that I would see other awards and some rewards that are far greater than trophies, I would have shared that award gracefully with Bhanodaya. After all, his efforts touched the final product too. 

So my dear colleague Bhanodaya, I guess it isn't too late to say 'Congratulations....! for our Filmfare award for Satya!'

                                                                                                                           ---by Apurva Asrani

Satya & RGV-The Journey Begins Episode 1

My name is Apurva Asrani. I am a film editor. My job profile includes receiving shooting rushes and putting together a cohesive film. I attempt to choose the most honest moments in the material to string together a tableau of scenes. I try to work at proper punctuation. i.e moving around silences, action, music and dialogue to flow rhythmically. I try to clean up the rough edges in performances, sometimes cheating moments to bring on the desired effect. 'There is no one above the film' is a motto that I have tried to follow in a career spanning 17 years, 13 films, 5 tele-films & 3 theater productions, often confronting ego's that were infinitely bigger than the film.

When factors bigger than the film were in control, i.e stars, marketing gimmicks and/or producers with no real love for cinema, the films found no audience. Some were appreciated in part, but not in whole. But several times, the power of the story was above all involved, and the crew worked selflessly, leveled under the radiance of good intention. For me, Satya , Snip!, Chhal, Jalpari-The Desert Mermaid & the yet to release Shahid are all examples of good teamwork.

I spent my 20’s thrilled like a kid in a celluloid store. I have had intimate creative relationships with incredible film personalities like Ramgopal Varma, Hansal Mehta, Anupam Kher, Basu Bhattacharya Bhupen Hazarika & Nagesh Kukunoor. My joy knew no bounds when I spent days with legends like Mehmood & Shammi Kapoor while putting together a show for TV. I have even worked with some incredible people who I could never relate to, like Vashu Bhagnani. This blog is my attempt at documenting memories from some of those relationships.

Ramgopal Varma & Satya

In 1997, when I was a teenage promo producer, a mad-man named Ramu asked me to edit a film called Satya. Mani Rathnam's Iruvar was about to release and I had heard that it had been cut digitally, i.e on Avid. I had already befriended the digital editing system through my TV & promo work and found that I had an ally in Ramu in going digital. Ramu was high from the failure of Daud and the man mesmerized me. Instead of getting crushed by rejection of his biggest budget film to date he was reveling in its failure. He knew that he was garnering a cult following, and was being admired for making the offbeat comedy the way he wanted to. He carried the creative air of a man who had produced & directed the biggest musical hit of those days, Rangeela, and soon his revelry was to became rebellion against the popular grain. 

Ramu, me & Avid Media Composer spent one year in a 6 by 8 foot cabin while editing Satya. I met a man who gambled with life and had a mischievous disposition while doing it. 'Ramu' truly wanted to tell Satya's story. He was living vicariously through the character. The South Indian producer penetrating the Bombay market was a striking parallel with Telegu cinema's Chakravarti penetrating Manoj Bajpai & Saurabh Shukla's underworld in the film. In the film, Chakravarti ordered the sudden killing of 'Bollywood star' commissioner Paresh Rawal, and Ramu had made his point. The fact that the film found cult status only cemented the man's journey thus far.

The Team

Ramu had put together an incredible team for Satya. There was the unlikely writing duo of Saurabh Shukla & Anurag Kashyap, both chipping into the film with more than just their writing roles. There was the American director of photography Gerard Hooper, who closely collaborated with his Indian counterpart Mazhar Kamran to bring us grit like never before. There was the Industry veteran Krishna who has over a 100 film titles to this credit, but only one as Art Director--for Satya. There was Vishal Bharadwaj, at the start of his juiciest creative phase. 

I remember riding with Ramu in his red Maruti Esteem and we were listening to the songs of the Chandrachur Singh starrer, Betaabi. The film was a wash-out but Vishal’s powerful music fueled this car to the Versova sea side office, where Ramu was putting together a team for his underworld film. ‘You like this Apurva?’ Ramu had asked me, a gawky 19 year old, still numb from the opportunity that had been presented to him. Having been a fan of Vishal since Maachis, I vehemently supported his decision to go with him. I was beginning to feel the onset of a magical phase in my life.

Anurag Kashyap was the irreverent mischievous kid on the set, often getting into sulks with Ramu about Saurabh’s involvement. I remember this huge stand-off about whose name should appear on top, when I had cut the first promo of Satya. Ramu used good humor and leveraged the awe each team member had for him, to manage the ‘children’ on set. I was younger than Anurag, but I was the more serious kind. Diligently trying to prove myself on-set and in the editing room. I knew nothing about film editing, but I would trip-out on the wild material in the darkened room, sometimes not going home for hours and days on end. I seemed to enjoy telling stories & after writing, I found only editing to be an uncorrupted creative space. Besides, the rushes for Satya were honest and 'ballsy', unlike the cinema of the day. You couldnt help but become consumed by the material.

Editing Satya

'Stay out of the room', I'd shout, sending my assistant Pradnya to stand as a barricade to the studio door, so that Ramu's curious eyes couldnt see what I was cutting. I had a desire to shock and I knew early on that directors must wait till the cut is complete, before they can see it. The Ramu of 1997 was a humble man. Like a child, he would plead to watch it, try and peer through a small window in the door, but he would wait outside till he was allowed in. Most often, the results would please him to no end, and there would a deluge of film personalities who would be invited to see the brewing magic.  

Two meetings that I will never forget are with Gulzar, also the lyricist of the film & with Shekhar Kapoor, high on the success of Bandit Queen. When Gulzar walked in, a nervous Ramu forgot to introduce me to him (Ramu always introduced me to his guests), I was also very nervous to turn around and look at the legendary kurta-pyjama clad auteur. Then I distinctly remember there was a soft touch on my shoulder, I turned to see Gulzar who smiled at me and said hello. I was floored. Shekhar Kapoor was all chatty and excited. He couldnt stop raving about his editor Jill Bilcock who had just cut his film Elizabeth and I was already feeling jealous.

Ramu allowed me break up, re-align, mold and reshape the film the way I wanted to. I believe that's how he dealt with the writers, actors and camera crew as well. Allowing everyone he trusted to interpret his vision. I never really understood then, how rare it was to find great teamwork. I think Ramu also soon forgot.

Satya was never intended to open the way it did. The opening scene was written with Satya's character's arrival in Mumbai. I remember thinking that the opening was flat. What was needed was a fiery and sinister set-up, the correct atmosphere for the silent Satya's arrival. I wrote an opening voice over about the city of Mumbai and cut it to a montage of city shots. I got actor Aditya Srivastav to correct my Hindi and dub a VO on the avid. I used climatic shots of the long-haired gangster Sabir Masani shooting angrily at a newspaper right at the start of the film, and intercut shots from Vidya's (Urmila Matondkar) fathers funeral pyre (from later in the film). 

The sequence got its desired reaction. Ramu jumped up from his seat and clapped in awe. I knew in that moment, that there was no other industry I'd rather work in.

(To Be Continued)                                                                         Follow me on twitter @apurvasrani